Devour
by Nehan Shinzui34
Summary: Non-linear. He flinched from him and hid from him, and his tears fall from his face like falling stars, but it's his fault. He's the one who started it.
1. Precious

a/n: 5/14/12 Yep. I've been infected with the Reck virus. This really just started out as morbid curiosity, but after reading some other really good fics, I decided to just go ahead and write. I figure this might help with my writer's block at least, so I'm sorry if this isn't exactly my best work. *hides* And I promise I haven't forgotten my other fics. On with teh angst.

"You're so pretty."

As always, the boy flinches as if from a blow, his cheeks reddening. He's always fending off praise, telling him not to flatter him, but Beck can't help it. He wants him to know how beautiful he is to him. how perfect. How good he is.

Robbie's eyes turn from his, his body shifting just the slightest under him, as if he is ashamed. Still.

The sight annoys him, and he takes Robbie's chin in his hand, and makes him look up. "Are you thinking about her?"

He shakes his head no, because that is what Beck wants to hear, but he isn't stupid, and his grip tightens in irritation. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Understand? God, I've told you this before, Robbie."

His eyes lower once more, and he responds, his voice a faint whisper. "I know."

...

Jade still thinks he wants to fuck Tori Vega. If he didn't know any better he'd think she was stupid. He supposes it's only natural that that would be her conclusion, but even he finds it obvious how his eyes always drift towards Rob at the..worst of times. But to the outside world she and Beck are the perfect couple-she the callous, sarcastic and vicious girl with the soft spot buried deep inside her, and he, the attractive, talented, gentleman who was the only one able to tame her. And so she should've been content that he was hers and hers only, the love between them unblemished. It had been true once, after all.

Back when her smile had been honest, and she looked up at him, as if he were special not something to be owned or possessed, something to be revered and trusted, not something to be jealous of.

Back when she used to look at him the way Robbie does.

...

It would be strange to say that Beck was jealous of a doll, but the damn thing was one of the first to go. The boy had been almost frantic when he'd told him, but it took up too much of his time, spent too much time touching him, and it's thoughts made him uncomfortable. Rex acted like(_no, not _Rex_, Rex didn't act like anything, it was all Robbie, Robbie and his stupid subconcious insecurities)_ as if Beck were some sort of rapist, as if he had some sort of problem, as if he were some sort of scumbag.

Well, was it his fault he had met Jade first? And what was he supposed to do? Dump her? It's not like he could just run off with him to an enchanted castle, no matter how much he wanted to. He had told Robbie he needed to grow out of this stupid fantasy, that things would be just as normal as they always were, if he just told them. But Robbie had insisted, and so Beck had gotten angry.

Beck hated when Robbie made him angry. It made him hurt him. And Beck hated hurting Robbie.

But Robbie had come back to him with an apologetic look, acquiesing, and for the most part, they hadn't spoken about it since then.

But there still times, when he'd catch him watching him kiss Jade, hold her hand, and whisper to her, and the look in his eyes stung him.

...

"Who the hell is this?"

Robbie looks up at him with wide eyes, startled. His eyes are really pretty, so Beck had made him stop using his glasses, at least when they were alone, even though he complained.

Robbie squints at the phone in his hand, straining to see.

"Beck, I told you not to go through my phone."

"With these kinds of texts I can see why." he snarled. "'_When can we hang out again? I haven't seen you in awhile!' _Who the fuck is this, Robbie?" he practically shouts and he sees Robbie grip the sheets underneath him in fear.

"Please don't shout. It's only a friend, Beck."

"I don't recall knowing anyone called Michael." he spat in response.

"I-I met him in Dance. He's really nice. And-"

"I told you I wanted you to switch to my period Dance."

"You know my schedule won't allow that, Beck. I've told you. He's only a friend. He needs help with his homework sometimes and I-"

"When do you have time, Robbie? When do you have the time, when so many times I can't even find you?"

"It-it's mostly weekends and stuff." He gives a nervous half-smile. "You can meet him if you like, even. You-you'll like him I'm sure."

For a long time, Beck merely says nothing, tracing each curve of his body with his eys.

"How long have you been fucking him?"

...

"How much help does she _need_, Beck?" Jade's voice is sharp and pointed. "She's not even this bad."

He rolls his eyes and turns from her as he gets his lucnh, eyes scanning the cafeteria for a place to sit. He spies his friends and begins walking towards them, his voice a low murmur.

"I've told you before, I'm not going to tell you again. There's. Nothing. Going. On. Jade." he punctuates his sentence by slapping his tray onto their table, startling Cat and Tori who greet them with a smile.

Jade gives Tori a glare, and Cat a sarcastic smile which the redheaded girl returns with gusto.

"Tell me why we always sit with them."

Beck ignores her, but Cat replies, beaming, "Because we're friends."

Jade rolls her eyes, as Andre arrives setting his tray down, his face pinched in mild concern.

"Have any of you guys seen Robbie?" he asks concernedly and they all shake their heads.

Beck's grip on his fork tightens and his skin pales slightly.

_He screams into his ear, but he is heedless and it is them and them alone in this trailer, and no one can hear them anyway and if it they did it wouldn't matter, not to him anyway. Not right now._

"No, I haven't actually. Not for the past couple of days." Tori responds, her face now etched in worry. "I wonder if he's okay. He usually tells us if he's sick."

Beck looks down at his food, staring determinedly at his soup as if there was so much more than soggy carrots in it, and lets the conversation wash over him. It wasn't his fault. If Robbie had only _listened_ to him...

"Maybe we should go over." Andre suggests, and he suddenly he feels anger coil inside of him.

"Wouldn't that be a bit strange? I mean it's not like you go over to his place often, right?" It takes some restraint for that last word not to come out biting and hard, but he notices Jade glance at him curiously.

Andre shrugs. "I've been over plenty of times. Besides he's probably lonely and could use the company."

Beck doesn't hear Tori's word of agreement or Cat's stupid comment, or Jade's sarcastic remark, because he is too busy thinking of all the ways he can murder Andre with a spork and a bowl of cooling soup.

_He watches the tears slide down his cheek like falling stars._

"Or he could want to be alone right now." he hears himself say through clenched teeth.

"We should still go see him." the other insists, but before Beck can climb over the table, Tori unintentionally saves him.

"Oh, God, I just rememebered, we have that play. I don't know _when_ we'll be able to see him."

"Welp, oh well." Jade said flippantly clapping her hands together. "Guess that puts an end to that."

"I'm not doing anything this week." Beck says calmly. "I'll go see him."

...

"I am so sorry."

He doesn't look at him.

"I really am, Robbie. I'm sorry." he pleads weakly. "It's just-you make me crazy. You make me so fucking crazy baby."

He looks small and shrunken in his bed, thinner, and paler even, like someone sick and dying.

He's so goddamed pretty.

He climbs on the bed, leaning over him and plants a kiss to his cheek. "You know I love you so much."

His face is turned from him, and his eyes are sad. Beck kisses him again, this time on the neck, pressing himself closer. Robbie still doesn't move.

"Please say something." He plants another kiss on his chest. His body is littered with evidence of his touch. "Everyone is so worried about you. They want you to come back to school."

When he finally speaks, his tone is biting, sarcastic, completely unlike his own.

"May I come back to school then, Beck?"

He frowns. "Don't be like that."

His glare cuts through him.

He's so beautiful.

"I might end up talking to someone, Beck. Won't that make you angry?"

Beck feels himself twitch in irritation, but he makes his voice soft and consoling. "I'm sorry. But you shou;d've told me who he was before."

His lips tighten in annoyance.

"You know if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't even be asking about you."

He draws into himself at that, and almost flinches when Beck plants another kiss on his stomach.

"It's only because I care, Robbie. I had to remind them about you."

He can feel him wanting to protest, but doubt had been planted in him long ago, and its not like his parents were ever there to reassure him. It was just them, all alone as it should be, alike in their isolation, Robbie's parents working and his...

"I love you, Robbie. Please come back to me. I've missed you."

He doesn't want to beg he can tell. But how many times has he heard those words in his life?

...

He watches Andre and the others gather around him, their hands on his back, asking him why he is limping, and where had he been, they had all missed him so much.

He wants to kill them all.

...

a/n: 5/19/12 So, this was originally supposed to be a oneshot but, it got too long and it kind of 'disrupted the fluidness'-kind of made it too rambly to my taste so i broke it up into a possible three-shot. Working on part two now. Should have it up sometime today tell me what you think.


	2. Crave

ii.

Beck will always insist that it was Robbie who started it.

He had been drunk, as he always was after he and Jade had gotten in a fight, and he had gone over to Robbie's house because(had a part of him known even then? But it was only natural-Robbie was such a good boy after all) that was what he always did, because he was such a good friend wasn't he? and he always listened, and he didn't want to be alone, dear God he didn't want to be alone in that fucking thing his parents had left him.

And Robbie had let him in as he always did, with the same look of concern over his disheveled state he always gave him.

"You need to stop doing this to yourself." he'd said and sat him down on his couch.

"Why not? It's not like anyone cares. I'm never getting anywhere-"

"Is that what she told you?" Robbie cut him off. "None of that is true. You're talented, Beck. You-you just have to-"

"To what? To what, Robbie? God, what am I going to do without her? I can't-I can't-"

And then Robbie had leaned over and kissed him. Just like that.

For a moment Beck was stunned out of his drunken agony and had merely stared at him, mouth slightly open.

"Why?" he said dumbly.

His friend only looked at him and blushed, gathering himself up before leaving to his room, and then he was alone.

...

"Did you fuck her?"

Beck ignores her, dropping his bag by the door, steeping into the kitchen to get something to drink.

Jade throws something and it connects with his head. He turns around snarling.

"What in the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know-the fact that anytime that bitch calls you, you go running after her like some goddam dog?"

"Oh, I forgot, that's only for you right?"

She purses her lips, tilting her head to the side.

"So. What did she need _help_ with this time, dear?" Her voice was dripping with contempt.

He opens up a bottle of beer, and downs half of it. It's going to be a long night.

"I was only at her house for a half hour helping her rehearse a skit-"

"A half hour, Beck? You were supposed to be here two hours ago.

Beck downed the other half and rummaged in the fridge for another. "I had...other priorites."

_Robbie flinches from him as if afraid, and that only makes him angrier._

_Why does he always act so afraid?_

_He _fucking_ started it._

"Excuse me. That was a question."

Beck jumped. When had she gotten so close?

"What?"

"Priorities. Involving. What? Beck."'

_Robbie's mouth wrapped around him and he tossed his head beack, his mouth going slack, his hand burying in his hair._

"What are you my parole officer? I had other things to do, Jade." Why couldn't he come up with anything to say? "I-I've had things on my mind."

"You're a fucking coward." she spat and shoved him. "You think you can just run off and hide from all your problems and then lie about it. Be a goddamed man, Beck. Just admit what you're doing. Admit you want to fuck her you fucking drunk!"

_You stupid bitch._

"I DON'T WANT TO FUCK HER." he shouted finally, shoving past her. "And don't fucking call me a drunk. I'm not my fucking father."

_Please stop drinking, Beck._

He shook Robbie's voice from his thoughts.

"Then who is it?"

He turned to her in surprise.

Her voice was shaking.

"Just tell me who it is! Is it Cat? Is it-is it Trina?" she asked shrilly, her voice cracking, her hands trembling. Beck approached her slowly, as if walking towards a dangerous animal.

_He looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, his mouth swollen and wet._

You're so damned beautiful.

_His eyes drift down again, and Beck pulls him to his feet._

_"I swear I didn't know him, Beck."_

_He only offers him a sad smile, his hands going down his chest, leaning in to kiss his neck._

"Why are you like this? What the hell happened to us, Jade?" he asks almost imperceptibly.

His girlfriend gives a small hiccup, and continues as if she hasn't heard. "Or are you some fucking faggot, taking it from Andre?"

He throws the bottle of alcohol at the wall, causing her to jump, and she flinches as he grabs her by the shoulders, seething. She looks stunned.

"Don't you _ever_ fucking call me a faggot. Ever in your fucking life. Do you understand me?"

"Get your _goddamed_ hands-"

"_Do you understand me?"_ he said shaking her.

She shoved him, slapping him in the face.

_"Did you like the attention?"_

_The boy rapidly shakes his head, and his hair tickles his nose,nearly making him chuckle. His baby is so cute. _

_"Do you want me to stop him next time?" he whispers into his ear._

_"Please dont."_

_He stiffens his grip. "Don't what?"_

_"Don't do anything please."_

_His smile grows wider and he draws back, and wipes a bit of saliva from the boy's mouth. He's so sweet. So perfect._

He leaned in to kiss her, and almost instantly she wrapped her arms around him and returned the kiss passionately, clawing at his clothing, he clawing at hers, before they were a tangle of limbs and exposed flesh on the sofa, a cacophony of moans and grunts.

"I love you, Beck."

_"I love you, Robbie."_

_..._

Beck pretended like it never happened. He didn't want to think what this might mean for them. Didn't want to think about how he may have liked it.

Robbie, for his part didn't speak on it either, and seemed to cower from his presence whenever they were alone. He assumed that he thought he couldn't remember because he was drunk. He wished that were the truth.

He wasn't some fucking fag.

He loved Jade, even her words cut like knives, and her nails were sharper. She had been there before anybody, she was his first love and his-and his only.

But the others were beginning to question and so hd offered the other a smile and joked with him, and made him laugh. Which made him happier than he could say.

...

"Beck, you're drunk."

He stumbled towards him as if not hearing.

Robbie backed away slowly, eyeing him warily.

His parents were finally back in town and he didn't know when they'd be stopping by the house.

"I'm so _looonely_." Beck whined, making his way faltering into the kitchen where his friend huddled near the counter looking at him with worry. "Won't you be my friend, Robbie?"

"I am your friend." he replied softly. Beck slunk into his arms at that, causing him to crash into the wall behind him.

"They're always yelling at me." he mumbled into his ear, but Robbie could barely hear him over the sound of his blood around in his head like seawater.

"I-I know, Beck. Here, I'll make you some coffee. That should bring you up a bit, alright?"

Beck muttered something incoherent into his shoulder, and he detached himself-with more than a little difficulty- out of his grasp. For a moment, as began setting the coffeemaker up and boiling the water the other man merely sat there at the wall, drool leaking out of his mout slightly, as if he weren't aware that Robbie had gotten out of his arms.

It was after he'd set the water to boil and turned around, that Beck finally turned around, and Robbie jumped back in fright at the expression of rage on his face.

Later, when he was alone, he will wish that he had made Beck leave right then. But he hadn't.

...

Beck leaned over and kissed him. He doesn't understand how a kiss could possibly hurt, but this one does, and his hands locking his wrists in a vicegrip do too. Robbie flinches, and forces his body away from the other's looking up at him in surprise and confusion.

"I know that you want me." Beck breathes into his mouth, and licks the corner of Robbie's mouth.

For a moment, he doesn't know what to say-it isn't so far from the truth. He's always wanted Beck; had had fantasies of them together, had spent nights with tears in his eyes because he knew that he would never be his, had spent fevered glances of jealousy in Jade's direction had been degraded for hours at the hands of Rex. Had even in a moment of insanity made the first step himself and kissed him. To have Beck-to have him seemingly returning his feelings filled him with anticipation and happiness and he-

But not like this. Never like this. Not when Beck was drunk, not when he looked so angry-

Beck was pulling at his pants now, his lips hot and greedy on his, his nose brushing on his neck, his hands hot and frantic over him and it was too much and-

"Please stop, Beck."

He was shoved against the countertop, a hand buried roughly in his hair, pulling back to expose his neck-

Robbie shoved him off of him and then they were wrestling, rolling on the floor, punching and shoving, and then Beck was slamming his head against the floor, and his hands were around his neck, and he was tugging at his pants and...and...and he didn't want to think anymore.

...

Robbie's fingers intertwined with his, and Beck lifts his hands to his mouth and kisses each one softly, his eyes not leaving the screen. He leans forward and mutters something into his ear, and he feels Robbie shift below him.

"Robbie." he says. His friend's mouth twitches into a smile and he shifts his head backwards to look him fully in the face. He is smiling and he doesn't know why, and for some reason that bothers him.

"Robbie." he repeats a little sterner this time, His eyes open slightly, and he is at peace and content, and Beck finds this bothers him.

"Hm?"

"Why are you smiling?"

"Thinking about stuff." he replies drowsily.

Beck feels a tightness in his chest and panic for a moment, spreads through him.

"About who?" he asks without thinking.

Robbie, sensing something wrong, clears his eyes and looks up at him. "Just a dream, Beck. I don't really remember."

And now his thoughts are filled with things he doesn't like and he feels sick. Because he didn't say it was about him, so obviously it was about someone else, and that meant he was still thinking about-Robbie stopped his thoughts with a kiss.

"I love you, Beck." he murmurs and he wishes that for once he could have the guts to say it back.

...

a/n: 6/20/12

I don't think I like this chapter very much...

I graduated high school yesterday which was exciting and I managed to talk my mom out of making me go to the summer semester of college because it started a day before high school graduation-and I needed a break. It was too much plunging back into school after _just_ escaping, and plus I wanted to get back to my writing. Also, shout out to **MaidenRose** for actually going out of her way to pm me and tell me to update. I hadn't realized how far behind I'd gotten. i think I should have one more update after this and then-we're done with this little project. Thanks to all those that reviewed and stuff. :)

Nehan Shinzui


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